The Virtues of Pineapple Juice

This is an e-mail I sent at work, talking about the virtues of pineapple juice. Ya'll should read it, because pineapple juice is awesome.

Word. There's some pineapple juice in the fridge, yo. It's all good and shit. It's got 75% of your daily vitamin C, loads of other nutrients your body needs to fight bitches like the flu, the cold, the dehydration, and most importantly the need. Fight the need for getting down and dying from things like cancer, strokes, heart disease and that sugary bitch diabetes.

Grab a dixie cup, shake the pitcher, and pour that delicious health tonic in. Worried about calories? Pfft, ain't hardly a thang. Worried about sugar? Girl, it's all natural. Worried about lookin' like a fool? Drink this elixir and everybody else gonna look the fool, dawg.

Get your guzzle on, because this is the future. If Black Beard had access to this we'd be speaking pirate right now. Jesus drank this stuff, and we still talkin' about him. You know who didn't drink this? Jonathan Wilfred Ashleigh. Who is he you ask? Exactly.

Word