Thursday, July 7, 2011

Top 25 Things I Instantly Regretted Seeing on the Internet

Here's another request from Chandon. A list of things that I instantly regretted seeing on the Internet. This one will be hard because Chandon also requested that I do this list with a minimal amount of porn references. Since the Internet is 90% porn, I have my work cut out for me.

  1. A video of an elephant being hung
  2. Blue waffle
  3. Picture of an octogenarian at Wal-Mart in fishnets, sagging everywhere, with tons of hairy moles
  4. Pictures on Facebook of a girl being felt up. The story goes, a few years ago, I was dating this girl, and I was going to take her to the Field Museum in Chicago. Well the day we were supposed to leave, she told me that she wasn't feeling the best. So we didn't go. The next day up pop these pictures of her on Facebook at a party, getting groped and making out with other guys.
  5. Watching a 15 minute video of a kid with down syndrome trying to push a cart up a small flight of stairs.
  6. Any before and after picture of Tara Reid. She used to be so pretty
  7. Picture of worms living inside of a wound in some guy's skull
  8. Two words: Mouse Sandwich
  9. The scary metal version of that Rebecca Black song Friday.
  10. Kathy Griffin comedy special on YouTube. Oh God, it was awful
  11. Kid who snaps his leg doing gymnastics
  12. Video on hospital website of some kid getting a fish hook taken out of his eye
  13. BMI Pain Olympics. It's not porn... it can't be.
  14. Fat girl playing Wii bowling
  15. This Emo girl going off on "pretenders". It was horrible, I felt my sperm dying.
  16. Guy peeing into his own mouth
  17. Pictures of Snooki getting arrested
  18. A Craigslist ad where a 'straight' guy wanted to jack off another 'straight' guy
  19. Pictures on Facebook of a girl I accidentally gave a black eye to.
  20. Pictures of me drunkenly putting my hand dangerously far down a girl's shirt
  21. Morbidly flat chested girl, with huge muffin top, and back fat dressed as Princess Leia in the slave girl costume. I love that costume... that girl made me regret that.
  22. Anatomically correct costumes worn by a family of 4
  23. Guy with elephantiasis
  24. Goatsie
  25. Woman eating entire jar of Mayonnaise.

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