Forget about getting old, kids. It sucks. Every morning feels like you're picking yourself up from the world worst hangover, even though you had nothing to drink the night before. Aches, pains, saggage, weird marks on your body, and a bunch of scars no one thinks are cool anymore.
You're too cynical to want to go back in time and re-live your life. You know you'd rather kill yourself than go through high school again. Sure, back when you were a kid, and a cheerful mother fucker, you were keen as shit to go to school. Now you're world weary. It's like falling at Devil's Lake. Was it awesome? Yes. Did hitting every rock on the way down hurt? Yes. Would I consider it a defining moment in my history? Yup. Do I wanna fall off a fucking cliff again? No thank you.
You go to the gym and you see these kids strutting around like they're the cock of the block. Wait until their metabolism slows and their parents stop paying for their supplements at GNC. Wait until they realize everyone is out to steal their little piece of heaven, and the only solace they'll find is in a bar, or at Fat Sandwich.
Wait until that little princess, he can't stop blathering on about, gets knocked up by some guy named T-Wayne. Wait until his fucking standards get so low he's willing to bang a fat girl with "a nice upper lip".
Yeah, getting old lets you do cool shit. I get to buy booze and cigarettes, and drive around in rented cars. But I know this world is gonna fucking suck my soul out of my body if I'm not careful
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