I've been asked on multiple occasions what sort of tattoo I'm going to get. I guess everyone has a tattoo, so it's not a huge stretch to assume that one day I'll join the crowd and get one. But what sort of tattoo should I get? Aren't all the cool one's taken? Won't I look retarded with a tattoo? And how long will it be until the tattoo stops being cool and starts to look like a sad old man?
I'm certainly not going to get a tribal arm band, or barbed wire or some stupid Chinese/Japanese/Korean/Sanskrit symbol. I'd like to get something that means something to me personally, but something that will compliment my body and not look like I'm an abandoned train in Detroit. I also want something that I'll be proud to have on my body in all the stages of my life. So a naked lady throttling a spaceship is totally out of the question. Then there's the issue of wrinkling. Right now I have a well build shoulder area and decent arms. Yet, what happens if I stop working out or, heaven forbid, make it to be 80 years old? I doubt the imposing Celtic cross on my left arm is going to look that awesome when my arms turn into cottage cheese and beef jerky.
I think I'd look dumb with a tattoo as well. For those of you who don't know what I look like, I look pretty freaking innocent. Would you put a tattoo on a baby? Would the baby even look remotely bad ass? No. It'd look horrific.
I think that if I was going to get a tattoo, it'd have to be somewhere nice and quiet, someplace private. Since I would have to limit the tattoo to a small region in comparison to the rest of my body it'd have to be an epic tattoo.
Conversely I want a happy face on my penis. Not just any happy face. I want a happy face giving a thumbs up, and on the other hand giving a hang-ten. He should also be wearing a rainbow wig, and the underbelly of my penis I should have something like John 3:16 written on it. I think the top part of my shaft should say something like, Insert into Slot A, or have an arrow pointing outwards. I haven't decided. Maybe I could put that scene from the Sistine Chapel where God and Adam are touching fingers on my crotch. Except instead of Adam it'd be a naked chick riding a motorcycle and instead of God reaching out to her with his finger he'll just be jamming on his bass guitar.
Yeah, yeah that's the tattoo I'm getting.