Thursday, July 7, 2011

My Time at Copp's

I'm in a foul mood, so I'm going to take it out on your eyes and your brain.

A few months ago I was leaving the Copps on the east side of Sun Prairie. I like going to that one because it's close to the high school, and well, high school girls have two things going for them: functioning metabolisms, and they have this faux sluttiness fueled by their insecurities.

I mean, who wasn't insecure a little bit in high school? We all were. That's why there was drama, that's why we wore clothes we swore we're never going to wear again.

Anyhow, so I like to look. Creepy? Not really. I'm not going out of my way to scope them out, I'm not going to try to bang them. Nah, I just want to see what an 18 year old girl looks like when she's not puking her guts out at a frat party.

So anyhow I'm leaving Copps with my Diet Coke, Perrier, and chocolate milk. Have you ever left a room and then all of a sudden been startled by someone just outside the door?

Well, that's what happened. Just as I was coming out of the doors I see these two high school girls. I accidentally checked them out, and accidentally gave them feedback in the form of a "hey what's going on, little lady". I didn't say it out loud, but my eyes screamed it pretty loud.

I felt pretty awful. I didn't mean to do it. I mean, my brain is programmed to react to boobs, and we consider people with youthful appearances to be beautiful. So I had no choice, it was all automatic. It's not like my brain is able to check their ID's, or make an assumption of age before it goes all "check that shit out".

Sadly, what's worse about this story is the reaction I got from the girls. They checked me out too, and their eyes screamed, "hey guy, what are you doing later?"

We share a nervous laugh, and I made my way to my car. Vowing not to go there again.

I guess I do have boundaries. Being eye-fucked by, hopefully, 18 year olds, makes me feel dirty. Dirty enough to call the police and try to turn myself. Seriously.

After I texted Joe Golemb, "Uh, dude, eye-fucked by younglings... am I going to jail?" I went to the Sun Prairie police, and asked them if I was going to jail. I explained what happened, and all they did was say, "Nice... just nice."

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