So the other night I was sitting at my desk surveying my wondrous reflection. I was amazed at how it seems I haven't aged a day, when it seems my peers are getting older, fatter and much, much uglier. As I mulled this point I styled my beautiful, lush hair into wondrous shapes and effigies. Something, I dare say, no one on this planet is able to do with such efficiency and grace as myself.
After preening my hair I realized that I had forgotten to go into work that day. "No bother" I said to myself, "my body is already taxed from a fruitful day of lusting after my own visage". With that I decided to relax with a scented bath, burned incense and some gold infused myrrh I purchased on a recent trip to the Holy Land.
As I lay nude in the tub, surrounded by bubbles and play tug boats, I began to reflect upon the goings on of the day, and realized that I deserved this. Lounging is hard work, especially in this heat and humidity. I began to sip elegantly upon the chilled champagne and sunk deeper and deeper into oblivion.
As my mind was on the cusp of revealing life's mysteries when I began to gag on the warm, myrrh-flavored water. I decided to exit the tub, and survey my wonder on my deck. I didn't need a towel.
My family did not appreciate my nudity as I walked around the home, clutching a champagne glass. Their shrill calls to put some clothes on was quickly cut off when the realized I was trying to make my way to the deck outside. My mother tackled me with a blanket and my sister sprayed me with a fire extinguisher. They sicken me.