Saturday, January 1, 2011

Middle-Aged People are Diluted Perverts

Middle aged people are diluted perverts. Who else would willingly canoodle a sweaty, obese, lump of hairy fat? Who is even aroused by the thought of that? Apparently our parents are and that's what makes them perverts. Sickos really.

Everything starts out normally. We're all after essentially the same thing when we're younger...but as we get older our standards lower and lower until we settle for the guy or gal we're gonna live with the rest of our lives. Some of us are tricked into it though. Like for guys she could be stunning but on your 5 year anniversary she's beginning to look like her mother momma hutt. and girls, I can't discriminate, after 5 years he starts to bald, gets fat and gains hair in rather inappropriate places. Your sex life is confined to an average of 5 minutes a month, including fore play and only if there's nothing on TV.

So for multiple reasons (I'll delve into those later) when we're older we're more apt to boning an ugo. And I don't mean 'paper bag special' or 'kinda cute' we're talking unholy of unholies. We're talking the complete opposite of anything remotely attractive, healthy or arousing. That cute 115 lb blonde you married is now a 245 pound lump of rolls lying on the bed struggling to breath. and that studly guy you married is now a balding, hairy butted, pot-bellied perv.

We must be gluttons for punishment as we get older. When you live with someone that long you probably hate the other person and you won't divorce because you hate change even more...and the monthly ritual is probably so grotesque you only can stomach it for maybe 15 seconds at a time. You blame work, you blame your blood pressure you even blame e.d. for your lack of effort and 'WOW' but in reality its just that you're both horror movie ugly.

No comments:

Post a Comment