Sunday, March 8, 2009

Waste of Life

Remember in lab when we were discussing why your boy friend hated me? You seemed to think that the reason why he hated me was because I was an asshole. Every time you said it was because I was an asshole I rebutted you, and said "there was a good reason why I was an asshole".

Let's forget for a minute that the real reason why your boy friend hates me is because he is an irrational, controlling, selfish, ugly asshole who is incredibly jealous and lacks basic human empathy. I mean, the guy told you to stop being my friend, for God's sake. The people in our lab agreed: no boyfriend should tell a girl who should and should not be their friend.

Unless of course that girl is a person who has the emotional maturity of a spoiled five year old, who also lacks empathy. See, the real reason why I was an asshole to you wasn't because you didn't decide to go out with me when you broke up with your other boyfriend. No, it has a lot to do with the fact that the night you did break up with him I followed you around like a puppy. I helped you move some clothes out of the apartment the two of you shared, I helped you get settled, did some quality shopping with you as well...during a fucking snowstorm, mind you.

I admit, I wanted you while you were still going out with your other boyfriend. But I thought we had a connection, so I stuck around and listened to you as you told me how big your boyfriend's cock was or how much he didn't appreciate you. I wasn't trying to break you up, I actually gave you sound advice. I wanted you, but I didn't act on it because you were spoken for, and I'm a classy guy.

That's why, the night of your break up, as we stayed in your friends apartment and I messaged your legs and back I didn't try to go any further. I really cared about you, and wanted to be there as a friend first. Then, maybe after a month or so, I was going to ask you out. I wasn't going to rush things.

Sadly you were going to rush things in the lamest of ways possible. The same night, the very same fucking night you broke up with your boyfriend, the same night of the snowstorm, the same night we moved you out of your boyfriend's luxury condo you decided we had to meet up with this one guy. Did I mention there was a snowstorm, biggest snowstorm of the year?

I pressed you, and asked who the guy was, and why we had to meet him. You were insistent that we meet this guy. Me, being the stupid gentleman that I am, wasn't going to let you drive alone in the blizzard to Bowl a Vard to meet this guy. I decided to drive you.

Little did I know I was driving you to meet your future boyfriend. Little did I know that in less than 72 hours you would be shacking up with this guy. Little did I know that this friendship, and my whole concept of who you were would be shattered within those 72 hours.

We hung out at Bowl a Vard for a while until it was decided we should go sledding. On our way to the hill you told me that the dude who would be your boyfriend in 72 hours asked if I would be "competition". You laughed it off and told him that I wasn't going to be competition. I can't believe you told me that. It's okay to tell him that, I guess. It's sad though that I really thought you cared about me, or at least maybe was capable of looking at me in that way, if only for a moment. You weren't though. I should have kicked you to the curb then and there. Sadly, I'm a fucking gentleman.

Sledding was fun that night. A group of people had gathered and it reminded me a bit of grade school. I bundled you up in some of my old jackets and sweatshirts. I gave you my extra hat and mittens. You looked like a Frankenstein LumberJack. I should have known something was amiss when you were chasing your future boyfriend around, and when you decided we should abruptly leave shortly after he left the hill.

After that night, we were both soaking wet. Thankfully you had a change of clothes and warm blankets set out for you by your new roommates. I didn't, however, and I was left to sleep in a chair in my soaking wet clothes. I didn't mind that so much since I was with you...although I did mind the constant texting between you and your future boyfriend that kept me awake.

Well, the next day you insisted on getting a new cell phone and I, still being dumb, obliged and drove you all over Madison...during a snowstorm. Later, at Chili's I told you that I wish you didn't just look at me as just a friend. I thought it was a cheap shot that you told your future boyfriend that I was no competition. I mean, shit bitch, I'm a fucking man, way to neuter me.

Your mind was made up and a day later I went on a breakfast date with the pancake house your future boyfriend worked at and had him serve us. That was real classy, especially after I told you I liked you. The next day you called me on my last day of class to see if I wanted to go with you to the pancake place and see your future boyfriend with you. Obviously, I was in class so I couldn't pick up, but I called you promptly when I left class 15 minutes later. You told me that you would call me in 30 minutes. I waited in Madison for four hours for your call. Awesome.

Well, that was the last time we really carried on a conversation for the whole part of Winter Break. You were too busy occupying every waking and sleeping moment with your new boyfriend. Apparently by that time you had already moved in with him, which was something you said you were never, ever going to do. I guess a lot changes in 72 hours, huh?

You're so pathetic. You need to be with someone to validate your own existence. You don't feel loved unless you're the center of attention. You're willing to stop being friends with someone for a guy you've only been dating a week.

Mostly you're pathetic because you can't live on your own. Your last boyfriend broke up with you twice. The first time was because you were dating him for a month and you wanted to move in with him. He refused and broke up with you because, well let's not sugar coat it, because you're fucking crazy. Then, when the two of you got back together you forced your way into moving in with him. You stayed at his place every night, and slowly but surely all of your shit was at his place. Same thing with this guy. You've barely had been going out a week and you were already practically living with him. In fact a month ago, the two of you moved into another apartment and adopted two cats.

You claim that things are different, you excuse this bad decision because you think this relationship is way different than the last. You're a complete moron. I'm glad I know that now. This relationship is just as bad, your boyfriend is jealous and controlling.

Your boyfriend is so jealous and fearful that I'm going to steal you away from him that he's forbade you to talk to me. Although, he's still allowed to talk to this chick he fucked and had a relationship with. In fact, and you told me this, your new apartment is right across the hall from his former fuck buddy and he goes over there to smoke weed with her when the two of you get into arguments. Hmm, sounds like you should be the jealous one, right? I mean we never fucked and had a relationship quite like theirs.

Back to me being an asshole. I think I was justified in being an asshole. You lead me on, you took me on your first few dates with your new boyfriend even after I told you I liked you. I went because you made it seem that there was a chance I could convince you to like me. But, you already made up your mind, it was just a nice little lie to keep me from leaving.

I was an asshole because you chose a guy over our friendship, a friendship which you claimed was deep and lasting. I was a jerk because the day I went to a friend's funeral you decided to meet me at the mall and shop for shirts...never once asking me about the funeral. In fact, your crazy ass even had me try to come up with an epithet for some stupid gold angel you were going to put on your friend's grave. Classy. I remember giving several heartfelt epithets and having you degrade them. Wow, you are an enormous bitch.

The same day, after I reminded you I had just been at a funeral, you decided to go to dinner with me and finally talk about why you were ignoring me. Except there was a catch. We had to go to the restaurant you work at, and be served by your boyfriend. Wow, really set the mood to talk, didn't it.

So the entire time I was trying to spill my guts and understand why you threw our friendship under the bus, why you lead me on, why you never seemed to care about me you were waving at your boyfriend, writing love notes and drawing cute pictures to him. Every time I was comfortable to continue he would come over and flirt with you.

I fucking hate you. You told our lab that the reason why I stopped being an asshole to you was because you had "called me on it". Sorry, bitch, the reason why I stopped being an asshole was because I realized you're worthless, you're not worth my time. You had something great: me as a friend. But you threw it away for an ugly, controlling and jealous boyfriend.

You still have an affect on me though. I don't trust women as much as I used to. I have a hard time being kind to them. I question every little move they make, always fearful that I'm going to get hurt by them. I'm fearful that one day they're just going to stop talking to me. I don't feel like I have much to offer these days. The only thing I had to give was my friendship, my kindness and love for you. Not romantic love, but the love friends have for each other. You threw that away, and now I'm having a hard time putting myself out there again.

Fuck you for being such a waste of life.

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