Friday, March 27, 2009

Pregnant Midgets

I fear very few things in the natural world. The things I do fear aren't the normal sorts of things people are fearful of, like lions and tigers and bears. No, my biggest fear are angry midgets and especially angry pregnant midgets. Let's investigate the reasons behind this very rational fear, shall we?

First and foremost let's examine the anatomy of a midget. Essentially they are a lot like we people, except they tend to be much, much shorter and have tiny little disproportionate limbs. Midgets are hard to pick out in a crowd due to their inhibited stature. They also try to hide due to their very rational fear that someone is going to steal their gold.

As a man I have something most scientists call genitals. These genitals, though glorious, are quite sensitive and rather low on my body. Because of their lowness they, sadly, are within the punching reach of a midget, or small child. Suffice it to say midgets are a walking nut punching machine. Like most men, I like to keep my testicles safe against most kind of harm, so you can understand why I'm so fearful of midgets.

I hear you asking the question "but what about pregnant midgets. Why are you more afraid of them?" Well, chum, because pregnant midgets more often than not tend to be females. Females tend to be irrational, as will be proven by all the angry comments I get on this note. Not only are they females but they also tend to have little things growing in their bellies that will one day come out of them. If you've ever had a tape worm or a wood tick you'll understand how uncomfortable it is being pregnant. Compound that with the pregnant female being a quarter the size of an actual human-being and you got yourself one really pissed off ball of tiny fury.

There's a few other things I'm afraid of, such as granny panties, that I'll talk about later. Until them enjoy, and ladies, please remember that children read these notes so keep your derogatory comments PG-13.

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