Today I saw a girl that I thought was very pretty. I decided that I would kiss her. So after building up the necessary courage I walked up to her and kissed her on the lips.
She didn't look too happy and neither did her boyfriend. Her boyfriend was kind of big and I was starting to regret my hasty decision.
I decided to play the whole thing off as one of those cultural misunderstandings you always read about in Readers Digest. So I started babbling in a foreign accent and told them that open mouth french kissing is how my people greet strangers.
Realizing this ploy wasn't working to convince them I decided to bring out the big guns. I closed my eyes and gave her boyfriend the biggest open-mouth kiss ever.
Immediately afterwords I broke character and put my hands on my hips and said, "oh, God". Thankfully the boyfriend was also incredibly shaken. I decided to take that opportunity to sucker punch him and run away screaming like a woman.
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever find the right girl.